'Reclaiming Femininity' Series: The Dangers of False Modesty
/By Marilette Sanchez
This post is the first of an ongoing series on my blog entitled “Reclaiming Femininity”, where I explore true biblical femininity in the wake of pop culture’s radical femme-fatale feminism and American Evangelical culture’s one-dimensional caricature of the ideal woman. In my everyday work with youth ministry to teenage girls, and my own experience as a young mom and wife steeped in American Christianity, I have witnessed the contradictory and unrealistic expectations of women placed on us by both the secular and religious cultures. It’s time to sort out all the competing voices dictating to us women what we should and shouldn’t be, and listen to the only voice that matters: God’s. Join me as I explore the topic of true biblical femininity through the lens of Scripture, pop culture and my own personal experience.
American Christian culture can tend to be just as guilty as the secular culture when it comes to viewing women as nothing more than sexual objects. When we use the Christianese term “modesty” incorrectly, we can make it a dangerous concept.
As a general rule, when we Christians teach our young women about the concept of modesty, we tell them, “Cover yourselves up, ladies, lest you tempt your brothers to lust.” I’ve spent my whole life hearing this concept in different forms. Witnessing the “fingertip” rule at church family camp, which was tested by standing up straight and making sure my hem did not land above where my fingertips landed at my side. Or the inability to wear a spaghetti strap shirt or dress without a cardigan, even in upward of 80-degree weather.
There is nothing inherently wrong with the teaching of dressing modestly, but the danger comes when the responsibility for the sin of lust becomes one-sided. We use shame to keep women in line, and allow women to think the responsibility is solely on their shoulders. We propagate the myth that men are incapable of controlling their own lusts. We promote the same false premise promoted by the world that a woman’s worth is primarily equated with their sexual power over men.
We understate the truth that women are first and foremost unique individuals made in the image of God, with dignity, and a soul, mind and spirit that is worthy of respect.
Most Christians would not deny that we live in a culture that over-sexualizes women. In most popular films, television, and music, the woman we’re supposed to emulate is the one baring the most skin and who is the most experienced in the bedroom. According to pop culture, a woman’s worth boils down to her sexual prowess.
Christians passionately, and rightfully object, shouting back: “How dare you objectify women!”
Um...but we do it, too.
The world was shocked when news first broke earlier this year that, reality-TV star and conservative Christian Josh Duggar molested girls, including his own sisters, as a teenager. He and his family assured the world that he received “counseling,” that nothing more than adolescent carelessness was to blame, and that all was resolved years ago. I must admit, though, that as much as I wanted to jump on the bandwagon of Christian leaders quick to defend him, my spirit was uneasy.
When the Duggar molestation news surfaced, rumors had already been circulating about sexual molestation as a common occurrence in their homeschool movement. And Gawker posted disturbing literature (published by the homeschool movement itself) that consistently blamed the female victims’ lack of modesty, instead of the perpetrator’s sinful choices, in instances of sexual abuse.
So I wasn’t too shocked when Josh was outed only weeks later as having an account with Ashley Madison, a paid website that allowed users to seek and find partners for affairs. Josh soon admitted to cheating on his wife, and to a porn addiction.
A teenager who is unable to keep his sexual desires at bay, to the point that he will prey on little girls--even his own sisters--has a deep-rooted lust issue that needs to be addressed. In his mind, his sexual needs come before everything else, and he has a right to meet those needs at any cost. It’s the same mindset of a married man who goes behind his wife’s back and cheats. “My wife isn’t meeting my sexual needs. Therefore, I have a right to take it into my own hands.”
Obviously, the Duggar incident is an extreme case of “Christian” philosophy of sex and modesty gone awry. Very few Christians would purport shaming the victim as a healthy way of dealing with sexual abuse. Still, Josh Duggar being thrust into notoriety was an eye-opening experience for me personally, as I realized that although I was raised in the midst of Christian culture, I was not immune to adopting false views of modesty and womanhood.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
What philosophies of womanhood (especially modesty) have you adopted in the course of your life, maybe unintentionally?
How do these views compare or contrast with the biblical view that women are worth more than the sum total of their sexual power over men?
