How I Stopped Letting Others' Opinions Dictate My Self-Worth

It was a crisp fall morning at my neighborhood park. Eliana, my three-year-old, was standing underneath the play bridge connecting one side of the playground to the other. About four feet away, two girls around her age were huddled together, every once in a while glancing at Eliana, who observed them from afar. One girl yelled, “Stop it!” to Eliana. The little girl’s mom promptly told her to be nice. Eliana just stood there, unfazed.

I wanted to step in, but stopped myself. It took everything in me to keep myself from stealing this learning opportunity from Eliana. Despite my fears, Eliana eventually found a way to play with the other girls. Even so, seeing the potential for my daughter’s rejection stirred up my emotions I had buried for years.

I am now approaching thirty, but if I let myself, I can still feel the knot in my stomach stepping in the doorway of the elementary school cafeteria, not knowing where to sit. I remember the cruel whispers of grade-school kids who deemed my homemade egg salad sandwich not up to par to their turkey-and-cheese Lunchables (Shout out to my fellow nineties kids!). I remember eight-year-old me choosing to play jump rope at recess, not because I wanted to, but because no one invited me to play tag with them.

By now, most of you have probably read my article about Patty Jenkins’ Wonder Woman film released earlier this year. You might have witnessed my blog post’s positive reception by people whom I admire deeply, like Christian author Jefferson Bethke and Liquid Church Pastor Tim Lucas.

Of course, like any artist, it was refreshing to receive appreciation for work that I had poured my heart and soul into. But the high of all the positive reviews was short-lived. As the criticisms rolled in, my self-esteem plummeted. Misogynistic comments, defended by out-of-context Bible verses, inundated my comments section. Several blog posts directly rebutted mine, explaining how I read unwarranted biblical meaning into shallow pop culture or how I was purposefully leading people astray by promoting a heroine that was inspired by Greek mythology. Each critic hurled hurtful things toward me, stinging like the little girl’s “Stop it!” to Eliana.

Before I published the Wonder Woman article, I reveled in the safety of anonymity. I was completely content writing blogs for friends or young women I mentor. Any given blog post received a couple hundred views at max. Meanwhile, the Wonder Woman article has received more than 250,000 views. Within a week of publishing the article, I went from 150 unique site visitors to over 200,000.

When I clicked the “Publish” button that day,, I had no idea I would gain a platform in which strangers felt they had the right--scratch that, THE GOD-GIVEN DUTY--to scrutinize not just my choice of words, but also my deeper intentions.

When I am criticized, I immediately internalize everything. My inner voice bombards me with “should have's.

You should have chosen better words to explain that concept. You should have put a disclaimer there, then they wouldn’t have assumed that about you.

I tend to jump to the conclusion that all comments towards me are true, and I am always the one who need to change. I let the criticisms, true or not, sink deep and infect my view of myself. Soon, I also began harboring some anger towards God.

God, Why did you pick me to write about this controversial topic? You know I don’t have thick skin, and I don’t have the emotional energy to spare to deal with the critics. I never asked for this huge platform. These critics are sucking the joy out of writing. Now, blogging is draining.

It took a lot of soul-searching and tear-filled worship music listening sessions to get to the root of my anger towards God. I’ve always felt unqualified to write about womanhood, especially from a biblical standpoint. I have no Master’s in Women’s studies or a seminary degree. More times than I’d like to admit, I view myself as a stay-at-home-mom with a writing hobby. I fall into the age-old trap of comparing myself to others, and coming up short. Like eight-year-old me, I live to be accepted by others. But as Rapper and Christian author Lecrae wrote: “If you live for people's acceptance, you'll die from their rejection.”

In the depth of my anger and seeming abandonment from God, I got a Holy Spirit nudge of encouragement.

Remember when you read your modesty article out loud at that coffee shop, and a stranger girl with blue hair wrote you a note on a napkin with a sharpie: “You Go, Girl!”?

It was such confirmation for me that despite the stings of the hateful critics, there is an audience out there thirsty for God’s truth, especially regarding womanhood. And by God’s grace and in His sovereignty, He has chosen me to play a role in helping to reveal that truth to others.

As hard as this season was, God has humbled me to realize that I too easily let my self-worth hinge on others’ opinion of me. I’ve learned that when facing rejection, I must filter each comment through the truth about myself and God’s Word, instead of carelessly accepting everything as truth. Some critiques are true, and although it stings to hear them, I can receive them with grace and embrace the opportunity to grow. Some comments are mixed bags of truth sprinkled with some wrong assumptions. Some criticisms are outright false. I need to be objective enough to sort through each, so I am not allowing lies to distort my view of myself and of God.

I recently came across a bible commentary shedding some light on Psalm 1:3: “A tree bears fruit, not for itself, but for others. When the faithful prospers, it is not for himself, nor is the prospering even material, but he succeeds in bringing benefit to others.” I think I will always be tempted to remain in the safety of anonymity. But coming out of the other side of this rejection from others, I’ve learned that I am a seed that must die so that God can fully work through me.