On Grief and Birth: A Tribute to My Father | MariletteSanchez.com

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My Dad, Mario Dela Cruz | August 2020, Harvey Cedars, NJ

It was somber and almost peaceful at the hospital. Don’t get me wrong, it was gut-wrenching as well, but we prayed and sang hymns until the very end. In his last moments, my mom, my sisters, and I witnessed my Dad pass from this life to the next. On September 11, I lost my father due to complications from a rare bone marrow disorder called myelofibrosis.

As I consider what has happened over the past few days and weeks, there are ebbs and flows of joy and pain. A gaping hole entered my heart as my Dad passed. It’s almost like someone you love is going on a long trip where they don’t have wifi and you don’t know when they’re coming back. There is a stinging pain knowing that my five kids won’t be able to grow up with their “Lolo” (Grandpa).

As I mentioned, I have five kids, so I know the birthing process well. With birth, there is a gravity to the situation, that for a moment, heaven touches earth, and we have the privilege to witness the ushering in of the supernatural. The same thing happened with my Dad, As his body was withering away, his spirit was being renewed. I saw the peace on his face as he went. “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day” (2 Corinthians 4:16)

I’m reminded of another Bible verse as well: “For we do not have a high priest unable to sympathize with our weaknesses…” (Hebrews 4:13). I am comforted by these two facts. Abba, our heavenly father has experienced grief when he witnessed his one and only son, watching him suffer unto death. Our Savior Jesus, on the cross, experienced being separated from his father for the first time in eternity

When I think back about the legacy my Dad has left his friends and family, I think about how one person could touch so many lives just by living his life well. He was a surrogate Dad and grandfather to those without, including my husband, Moses.

I will always be grateful for my Dad’s legacy of perseverance, selflessness and the ability to dream.

You see, my father grew up in rural Philippines, and quit school in the fourth grade to pick up odd jobs to support his sick father. His strong work ethic and love for people led him to start a Filipino grocery store, creating community and providing my home away from home.

He always made sure that every person he met felt valued and cared for. He never met a stranger, especially if you were a fellow Filipino. I remember Costco trips in which he would greet a stranger on many an occasion: “Hoy Kababayan, taga saan ka sa atin?” (Fellow countryman, where are you from back home in the Philippines?). Later that day, those same people would be over for dinner or at least for “kape” (coffee) and “meryenda” (snack). If you stepped in his home, he would badger you incessantly until you gave in to having something to eat or drink. I remember growing up in a three-bedroom apartment with my three sisters and grandparents—and still taking in newlyweds whose immigration status made it difficult to find a safe place to stay.

A family member in the Philippines reminded me recently of a saying that my Dad lived by, and spread to others. “Walang imposible basta may pangarap ka. Ang importante ay marunong kang magsumikap at higit sa lahat wag kang makakalimot sa Itaas” (Nothing is impossible as long as you have dreams and aspirations. The most important thing is to work hard, and above all, never forget God).

Every time my Dad would visit my kids, he would tell them about his farm that he would build in the Philippines, and after years of effort, despite his sickness, my Dad made that dream a reality. My Dad showed me perseverance in the way he pushed through his health issues and fought hard to not only survive, but to live his life to the full.

The road of grief ahead has many unknowns. But I rest in the fact that God has gone ahead of me and knows exactly what is to come.  

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you" (Isaiah 43:2).